I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
