im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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