return my video game
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
