is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
