I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
