I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
