and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
