The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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