playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
