I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
