Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
one might say we're banned from that church
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
