I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
