do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
