Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
