i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This gyro tastes like lonliness
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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