just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I love you. Go after that dick
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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