It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Pants are for mortals
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
