Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
