that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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