im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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