Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
