I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
