i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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