Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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