Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
