Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
