i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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