Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
