She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
