I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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