This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
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