She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
