yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
