is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
