you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
