There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
