Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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