And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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