Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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