i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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