so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
