So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
