For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
