You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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