U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
