Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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