I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
