I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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