And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
