im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
