I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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