So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
