you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
