he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
