You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
