How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
