Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I love you. Go after that dick
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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