Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
