if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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