4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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